By the end of this module you will be able to
- Recognise common feelings for parents and carers, including signs of blocked care and burnout.
- Choose small, realistic ways to look after yourself.
- Use reflection and support from others to stay calm enough.
- Know when and where to ask for more help.
Learn
Your feelings matter
Caring for a child who has experienced trauma can be exhausting. Many parents and carers feel tired, guilty, rejected, angry, lonely or not good enough. These feelings are common and normal. They are not a sign that you are failing.
Your wellbeing matters too. Children borrow calm from adults who have some to share, so looking after yourself is part of looking after your child.
Blocked care and burnout
Dr Dan Hughes and Dr Jonathan Baylin use the term “blocked care” for what can happen under prolonged stress, especially when a child keeps pushing a carer away: the carer finds it hard to feel warmth or enjoyment with the child, and caring becomes going through the motions. It is a common human response to stress, not a moral failing, and it can ease with rest, support and understanding.
- Dreading time with your child, or feeling numb with them.
- Mostly noticing the negatives.
- Feeling constantly on edge, irritable or exhausted.
- Withdrawing from friends, or stopping things you used to enjoy.
Small, realistic self-care
Self-care does not need to be expensive or time-consuming. Small, regular things count.
- A short walk, a cup of tea sitting down, five minutes of quiet, going to bed earlier.
- Texting a friend, or arranging an hour of respite.
- Noticing one thing that went well each day, however small.
Reflection and support
Many carers find it helps to talk things through with someone who will listen without judging: a partner, a friend, a support group or other carers. Foster carers, kinship carers and residential staff can use supervision and team meetings to reflect on how they are feeling, not only to report what happened. Thinking about your own history and triggers is part of trauma-informed care too.
When to ask for more help
Asking for help is a strength. Seek more support if:
- You are worried about your child’s safety, development, mental health or behaviour.
- Your child talks about harming themselves or others, or you see signs of self-harm.
- You feel unable to cope, persistently low, or worried about your own safety or health.
- Things are not improving despite your efforts.
- Places to start: your GP or health visitor, your child’s school, your local children’s services, the child’s social worker, your supervising social worker or adoption support service. For urgent medical advice in the UK, call NHS 111. Samaritans are available on 116 123. In an emergency, call 999.
Key ideas
- Common feelings for parents and carers, and why they are normal.
- Blocked care and burnout are stress responses, not failings.
- Small, realistic ways to look after yourself.
- When to ask your GP, school or local services for more help.
Words to try
These are examples, not scripts. Use your own words and tone.
Asking for help
- “Things have been really hard at home and I’d like some support. Can we talk about what’s available?”
Kind self-talk
- “I’m doing a hard job. I don’t have to be perfect. Calm enough is enough.”
A three-minute reset
- Breathe out slowly five times, feel your feet on the floor, and name three things you can see.
Take care
- This course is education, not therapy. If you are struggling with your own mental health, please speak to your GP.
An everyday example
After a week of difficult evenings, you arrange for a friend to take your child for an hour on Saturday. You use the time to rest rather than catch up on housework, and you tell a friend how the week has been.
The big shift
Looking after yourself is part of looking after your child.
Try, reflect and apply
Try this week
Choose one thing for yourself this week, and tell one other person about it.
Reflect
- What drains you most at the moment? What fills you back up?
- Who could you lean on? Who could you ask?
- Are there signs that you or your child need more support than this course can offer?
Apply it
Draw a support map: put your name in the middle and, around it, the people, services and small habits that help you. Circle one you will use this week.
Write your answers in the workbook or a notebook. Your reflections stay with you; this website does not collect them.
Workbook: PDF, 39 A4 pages, about 270 KB.
These courses provide education and practical information. They are not therapy, diagnosis or a substitute for individual professional advice.